SĘDZIA (CIĄG D.)

             Hmmm...

   Sędzia powstaje. Przechadza się, intensywnie myśląc. Zatrzymuje się, 
   zwrócony plecami ku sądowi.

                         SĘDZIA (CIĄG D.)
             Moje rozstrzygnięcie...?

   Sędzia opuszcze swoje majtki. 

   ZBLIŻENIE NA TYŁEK SĘDZIEGO:
   "WINNY!!" Widać na nim nagryzmolone słowo.
   Tłum wybucha.
   Joe daje wyraz swemu zdruzgotaniu, uderzając głową o stół.


38 INT. COURTROOM - DAY 38

    The courtroom is a mess, like a run-down inner-city public 
    school classroom. There's garbage everywhere, graffiti. The 
    flag is lying on the floor in a heap.
    An audience of rowdy spectators waits for the trial to begin. 
    The crowd jeers as Joe is wheeled in in a cage.
    A pumped-up BAILIFF in tights walks in with a microphone.  
    He whips up the crowd like an announcer at a wrestling match:


    Idiocracy                                                             p. 33
    7-1-07     


                          BAILIFF
              Are you ready for some JUSTIIIIIIIICE!

    The crowd goes crazy.

                          BAILIFF (CONT'D)
              Because we've got a fag-talking retard 
              who thinks we oughtta pay his hospital 
              bills! Do you want to pay his hospital 
              bills!?

                          CROWD
              Hell, no!

    Joe gets hit with a milkshake.

                          BAILIFF
              I can't hear you!!!

    ANGLE ON THE JURY BOX:

                          JURY
              HELL, NO!!
    The Judge enters. He is surprised and frightened by the noise 
    of the courtroom. He bangs his gavel until everybody shuts 
    up. When he speaks, he seems to be making up big-sounding 
    words as he goes along. He has the stupid confidence of a 
    man who's never encountered anyone smart enough to correct 
    him.

                          JUDGE
              Now since y'all
                   (rolls his eyes)
              Say you ain't got no money, we have 
              proprietarily obtained you one of 
              them court-appointed lawyers.

    Joe's lawyer enters. It's none other than Dizz, the fat guy 
    whose apartment he crashed into.    

                          JOE
              You're my lawyer??
    Dizz opens up a greasy paper bag and pulls out a bunch of 
    crumpled, stained legal briefs. He looks them over.

                          DIZZ
              So, uh... Says here you robbed a 
              hospital. Why'd you do that?

                          JOE
              I'm not guilty!


    Idiocracy                                                             p. 34
    7-1-07     


    Dizz shakes his head.

                          DIZZ
              That's not what the other lawyer 
              said...

                          JOE
                   (exasperated)
              What the other-- Listen! You've got 
              to put me on the stand! I can explain 
              everything! We can take them to your 
              house and show them the pod I came 
              in!

    The Judge starts banging his gavel.

                          JUDGE
              Y'all shut up, now! I'm fixing to 
              commencerate this trial here!

    Everyone shuts up.

                          JUDGE (CONT'D)
              Okay, then. We're gonna

                   (showing off the big 
                   word)
              Utilize the process of deliberation, 
              examining the various puppitudes of 
              this individual, and see If we can't 
              come up with us a verdict up in here. 
              Now, why you think he done it? 

    The Prosecutor stands.
    He has a stoned/surfer accent.
    He's wearing a T-shirt that reads "Lawyers Do It in front of 
    a judge"

                          PROSECUTOR
              Okay, number one, your honor? Just 
              look at him.

    The whole courtroom boos and laughs at Joe.

                          PROSECUTOR (CONT'D)
              And B, we've got all this evidence 
              about how, like, this guy, like, 
              didn't pay at the hospital, okay? 
              Like, six billion dollars?
                          (MORE)


    Idiocracy                                                             p. 35
    7-1-07     


                          PROSECUTOR (CONT'D)
              And I heard that he doesn't even 
              have his tattoo. And I'm all... You 
              got to be shitting me! But check it 
              out, man. Judge should be like, 
              Guilty!  Peace!

    The prosecutor sits down, proud of himself as the crowd starts 
    clapping.  Joe looks around at everyone clapping and shouting 
    at him.

                          JOE
              Please! Let me explain what happened!
    Dizz stands indignantly and slams his fists down on the table.

                          DIZZ
              Objection!
    The court quiets down.  Everyone looks at Dizz.  Joe is 
    pleasantly surprised.  A beat... 

                          JUDGE
              What're you objectifying on?
    Dizz looks unsure for a moment.

                          JOE
                   (whispering to Dizz)
              C'mon, just put me on the stand!

                          DIZZ
              Okay. Yeah. Okay, your honor?.. I 
              object that this guy also broke my 
              apartment!

                          JOE
              What??

                          DIZZ
              Yeah, your honor!  And I object he's 
              not gonna have any money to pay me 
              after he pays for all the money he 
              stole from the hospital.

                          JOE
              Don't say I stole! You're  lawyer!
    The crowd starts to boo Joe.

                          DIZZ
              And I object he interrupted me when 
              I was watching "Ow, my Balls!"


    Idiocracy                                                             p. 36
    7-1-07     


    This is the last straw for the crowd -- they start throwing 
    junk at Joe. Joe stands.

                          JOE
              Okay, uh, your honor I think we have 
              a mistrial or something!

                          DIZZ
              I'm gonna mistrial my foot up your 
              ass you don't shut up!
    Everyone, including the judge, cracks up. The court is filled 
    with gales of big, stupid laughter.

                          JOE
              Please, listen!

                          PROSECUTOR
                   (crude Joe 
                   impersonation)
              "Please, listen!"

    The court cracks up again. Diz leans over and high-fives the 
    Prosecutor.

                          JOE
              I didn't steal anything! I was part 
              of an army experiment, hundreds of 
              years ago. Something must've went 
              wrong. There was a girl, too-

    The crowd starts shouting Joe down.
    The Judge scribbles some notes on a computerized OmniPal 
    tablet and frowns at the results. Then he bangs on his gavel 
    until he has silence.

                          JUDGE
              Alright, easy everyone. Now, sissified 
              individual makes a bunch of good 
              points, about the, uh, allegationisms 
              of, uh, what transgressed at that 
              particular time.  So I believe...

    Joe hangs on the Judge's every word.

                          JUDGE (CONT'D)
              Hmmm... 

    A long, tense beat. The Judge thinks, the court leans forward. 
    Joe's future hangs in the balance.


    Idiocracy                                                             p. 37
    7-1-07     


                          JUDGE (CONT'D)
              Hmmm...
    The Judge stands.  He paces, thinking intensely.  He stops, 
    his back to the court.

                          JUDGE (CONT'D)
              My verdict...?

    The Judge drops his pants. 

    ANGLE ON JUDGE'S ASS:
    "GUILTY!!" Is scrawled across it.
    The crowd explodes.
    Joe miserably bangs his head on the table.

                          BAILIFF
              He's going to...
                   (crowd joins in)
              Priiiiiiiiiisonnnnnnnn!!!!

    Joe, miserable, looks at the screaming crowd. 
    Bailiffs grab Joe roughly and haul him off.